a whole new leaf

time for a change. I've switched to wordpress.

the new blog is at http://melesa.wordpress.com.

This is an article about codependence that’s on one of the blogs I keep tabs on. I highly recommend taking a moment to read it, especially if you are or are considering going into ministry.

Here’s the article.

Q conference

This past week I had the opportunity to volunteer at and attend the majority of the Q conference that was held in Chicago this year. Skipping three days of classes has never been so worth it. Q is all about bringing together cultural leaders to explore how the gospel is and can further be expressed in culture. In their own words it’s about exposure, conversation, and collaboration.

This year’s conference was held in the Civic Opera House—an absolutely breath taking place. We heard from people like Alister McGrath,Tim Keller, Scot McKnight, Wayne “Coach” Gordon, Brian McLaren, Mike Foster, Phyllis Tickle, and Soledad O’Brien. We also got to hear from lesser known names who are doing equally amazing things; people like Skye Jethani, Jonathan Olinger of Discover the Journey, Greg Helvey creator of the short film “Kavi,” Andrew Marin of the Marin Foundation, artist Dayton Castleman, Rosalind Picard a professor and researcher at MIT, and Sean Woman founder of TBD Agency. Perhaps one of the greatest things about Q though is that all of these presenters and attendees are seen on an equal level. During my time at the conference I got to be in conversation with folks like Andy Crouch and Bill Hybels along with Jason from Lee University and a church planter named Andy.

All that to say, I undoubtedly recommend the conference. It cost a good amount, so if you can’t afford it try to volunteer—it was a great experience. I learned a good amount, but I was also deeply refreshed and encouraged.

Over the course of the three days we were given countless resources and heard of numerous ideas and things that are happening all over the country, so I thought I would share a few of those things:

TheCommon.org – what happens if we take out the middleman and allow people’s needs to be met by other’s skills?

A new perspective on what’s happening in the world—The Third Post

Beautiful stories of radical grace—People of the Second Chance

Some new jams from Zach Williams—I’m a fan

A story of surprising neighborliness in Colorado

Speaking up for children around the world through artistically telling stories—Discover the Journey

Helping a generation that is growing up without fathers - The National Fatherhood Initiative

A short, Academy Award Nominated, film, "Kavi," about slavery today

catching air

I was talking with a friend this weekend while sitting in a butterfly pavilion. As we marveled at the butterflies dancing about, he mentioned a poem that he had recently read. It was Katerina Stoykova-Klemer's How to Write a Poem, which simply reads “Catch the air around the butterfly.”

My friend explained that butterflies are too delicate to touch. A child trying to catch a butterfly often kills it without the slightest intentions. Like butterflies thoughts, feelings, emotions frequently expressed through poetry are often to frail to touch. The poet assembles words around these thoughts like catching the air around the butterfly. It is catching the air that allows a small glimpse of the butterfly.

Since that conversation I have been pondering what other parts of life are too delicate, too frail to touch. What things are we limited to trying to catch the air around it?

it's been a while

Do you ever have those times when you wonder how many things can be pack into such a short time? I don’t necessarily mean activities, but new thoughts, ideas, perspectives. That has been the past four days for me.

It has been marked by a life-giving conversation while hiking with Kristin, time to rest at home, finishing a big application, a long time to think in read while on a long layover in O’Hare, Easter service this morning at my church here in Grant County, and lunch afterwards with some friends from the church.

It’s been a lot of thinking, but it has been a much needed time of being refreshed. That will prove helpful as the conference I am in charge of is less than two weeks away. I’m sure many of those thoughts will be making their way here as I can better articulate them, but for now this will do.

filled vs. centered

A little over a month ago I was in Chicago for two weeks with 20 other senior christian educational ministries majors on our two week capstone trip. As we’ve back at Taylor there’s been many things that have got me reflecting on that trip as there was much to unpack (visiting around 30 ministries I would venture to say). Specifically I remember a service we went to at an Anglican church. I was sitting next to my professor, who knew I had been going to a local Episcopal church for a while. She leaned over as the services was over and said, “That was centering.”

Ever since that conversation, I’ve found myself using that same word to refer to my little Episcopal church in Marion (Gethsemane) as people ask about it--centering. Frequently I hear people talking about being filled after a service or saying that that one church just didn’t ever fill me. Much of this is based upon if the sermon was engaging or the music stirring. Now these things are not wrong in the slightest; I do not mean to say that. But as I’ve been thinking about why I went back to the Gethsemane, it comes back to this idea of centering.

The service there is not one that is going to fill you. Instead of everything building up to a sermon, it is all building up to the Eucharist. The liturgy is so beautiful as it reminds up of who God is no matter where we are at. Each week I come away not feeling filled, but centered. Centered in that I am reminded of who Christ is, what he has done, and who I am in light of how he is.

I’m thinking that I want to be a part of a centering church over a filling church in the future.

the mobile church

I don't think there are words to describe this. Strange, thought provoking, surreal, and, well, hilarious.

How far would you go to relocated a church?

a prayer (edwin mcmanus)

I thought this was worth sharing...

"Lord, I need a dream worth giving my life to.
I need a life worth
waking up to each morning.
I need a mission bigger than me.
I want to
believe for not only me, but also for this world.
Amen."

an unimpressive god

Sitting in chapel the other day, I was taken back as I looked around the auditorium. To the right the girl sitting next to me was checking her email on her cell phone; the girl to my left was texting. Another row up a guy pulls out his phone as his thumbs meticulously pound on the screen. I felt that maybe I was missing out in the chorus of small glowing screens that seemed to be appearing all around me.

Now I must admit that I’m currently not the biggest fan of chapel, but I couldn’t help but wondering ‘is it really that boring? Is getting that text out right now that important? Have our attention spans become that small?’ I’ve had conversations with people after chapel asking what they thought of the services and answers tend to be all over the spectrum. However when there’s a teacher who’s able to speak with high energy, clever rhetoric, and an in-your-face message, the majority of students come away generally pleased--it was an impressive chapel. Yet those times that don’t seem quite up to par, well, that’s when the cell phones come out.

Lately I’ve been chewing on this thought of am unimpressive God. When I was talking with a friend about why he and his family chose to start going to the Episcopal church (where I’m now going), he mentioned that there’s really nothing impressive about it. No one is going to pull out flashy teaching or put on something that will draw more people in. You can take it or leave it.

Now in all of this I do not mean to say that God is unimpressive in the way that we commonly think of the word. He is omnipotent, omnibenevolent, omniscient, and he is God; that is impressive. But even in the ministry of Jesus we see that when the Pharisees ask Jesus for a miracle, something flashy and impressive, Jesus rebukes them. He never tried to be impressive. Henri Nouwen refers to it as the need to be relevant, when in reality all that one has to offer is their vulnerable self.

Often times we think of how this applies to us as church leaders as we struggle with the temptation to be impressive. But I want to ask what implications does this have on us as we participate in things such as chapel and church? Are we able and willing to open ourselves up to the unimpressiveness of Jesus? Can we put aside our impressive technology and desire to be entertained for a moment to be stilled by something unimpressive?

here's the warning

Spring semester senior year at Taylor University means one thing to Christian Ed majors--their senior paper. For a good chunk of time I was wondering how in the world can I incorporate all of my passions and what I want to do vocationally...holistic ministry from a pastoral position, teaching, story, creating culture, and so on. But there was a lightbulb moment over our senior capstone trip where it hit me--my paper topic would be scripture engagement!

Never did I think that I would be writing on this theme and be as excited about it as I am. Yet it is all making sense to me. I’ve long thought that if we can simply get a better orientation of who Jesus is and catch the vision of his story, the kingdom of God, as laid out throughout the entire Bible. And when we begin to read and let the word speak to us, it should mess with us in big ways. So why not scripture engagement?

I’m thrilled. I really can’t begin to express how exciting this concept is to me. I think I described it to someone today saying that it, ‘makes my soul flutter.‘ I’m discovering that I can’t work on this paper or read content about it late at night because I won’t be able to sleep. Like I said, I would have never expected this from a thing like scripture engagement.

So here’s the warning: this whole idea of scripture engagement may be a reoccurring theme here.

new year

A year ago I started this blog as an attempt to keep in touch with family and friends about my time in Latin America and then the summer in Chicago. After thinking about, I realized that I actually enjoyed being able to have another place to write thoughts out and process through the retelling of stories and thought processes.

So, that said, I’ve decided to start up writing again. Read along if you like, but more that anything else if for me. We’ll see how it goes.

meet the family

So now that I have reached my last week with YouthWorks, I figured it was about time to introduce you to the people I have worked and lived with for the past three months.

(Brad, me, Sara, Johnny)

(Sara, Brad, Matt, me)

Chicago 1 & 2!

beefy lessons

Every week I have the splendid opportunity to brown about 35-50 pounds of beef for our sloppy joe and taco meals. Let me tell you this has not been one of my favorite parts of the summer, especially since the meat we buy is 27% fat making for endless amounts of grease. I’ve figured that by the end of the summer I will have spent at least 40 hours browning beef. Let me tell you, this has not been a highlight of my summer. However the amount of time I have spent in the kitchen in this manner has provided space for some good thoughts and lessons. So I thought I would share with you a few...

Beefy lessons
•Never buy beef that is 27% fat. If you must wear an apron to avoid lots of grease stains.
•Turn up the music and sing it out. As much as I disliked the meat days, it many times provided me with a chance to escape—not having to worry about anyone else being around, turning up the music of the hour, and singing.
•It’s all about perspective. I’m an introvert, so many times browning the meat would give me space to take a step back from whatever else was going on around me to get some perspective and clarity on things.
•Don’t take yourself out mentally. I am a pro at this; as my mom says I’m my own worst enemy. It helps to identify when those negative thought cycles start and shut them down before there is a chance to take yourself out with negative thoughts.
•Talk to God out loud.
•In the words of our generation, 'just dance, gonna be okay, da-da-doo-mm-da.' But really, it's a release, just dance it out.
•Don’t use a metal spatula on a non-stick pan; it will scratch up the stuff that makes it non-stick.
•Put a fan in your kitchen. Standing over an oven for hours can get a bit toasty.
•Don’t give people the space to do it alone. I hated the fact that I had both of the meat meals, yet one of the most encouraging things is when one of my fellow staff members would come in and ask if I needed help with anything. Though often the answer would be no, just the notion that someone is there and ready to help provides a huge source of encouragement.
•If you are cooking for masses of people, get someone else to do the dishes. I’m so glad that we had students on site to take care of the dishes after dinner.

faithful

This weekend I had some of my highschool small group girls from Upland come and visit. It was great to see them and see them experience a bit of Chicago—we ate at Giordano’s, went along the lake front, Navy Pier, Millennium Park, and the absurdity known as Macy’s.

Over the past three years I’ve been a volunteer at Upland Community Church’s youth group, and it’s been an amazing experience to see how much change can happen over the course of three years. As the girls were driving away I remembered the beginning of the school year with our small group. God brought an incredible co-leader, Carie, to lead with me, but when we saw the groups of girls in our group we wondered how in the world is this going to work out?

It was an odd mix of girls, and the first months or so were rough. Yet as I watched them drive away this weekend I was left in awe of God’s faithfulness. It’s incredible how far we’ve come since last September. The girls have accepted each other, vulnerability has happened, and they have grown together.

Being involved with the youth at UCC is one of the most difficult and rewarding things that I have done. As I am getting ready to enter into my fourth year with these students I can’t help but see how faithful God has been.

three little words

No, I’m not talking about the words I love you, though those can be important words too. What I’m talking about is probably less common, but in many ways I see as equally important.

Most of us have all had done our time if not lived our whole lives in a variety of Christian communities. In my experiences in such places, especially at Taylor and now here at YouthWorks, there’s a desire, an expectation, at times perhaps an obligation that we are to have meaningful interactions with everyone. That’s understandable; we all have a desire to connect with others and have deep relationships. Yet this expectation seems to also cause some damage.

It’s typical that when we are trying to get to know someone we try to find some common ground and there is nothing wrong with that. Perhaps it’s something like a shared liking of a sport or the outdoors or places we’ve been; we always try to find that common group. While this can be a good thing and helps us start down that road to meaningful interactions and deep-felt relationships, it can also be a great downfall (or so it seems to me).

I think a lot of times we carry this mentality over into deeper, more personal sides, of relationships too, and this is where I think that it can become harmful. Just because we are both trying to follow Jesus and maybe even have similar life experiences does not mean that we can fully understand what a person is going through. It seems that that attempt to find that common ground is brought to the table when we know someone who is experiencing something difficult. And it is without a doubt that we have all experienced difficult times in life, but to try to find a common ground amidst someone’s struggles can be more hurtful than caring. The thing is I don’t think people in Christian circles even realize that they are doing this.

I had a conversation with a dear friend Adam last night about this very topic. It is very easy for us to identify with someone else’s pain, frustration, or perhaps fears. Yet when we say the words I understand, it is as if we are minimalizing their experience. It can easily come across as I’ve been there and done that and really it’s not that big of a deal, all the while this may be the world that this person is experiencing and dealing with in the present.

There are times to seek that common ground, but far too often we are overly eager to find that. It has been my experience that in times of frustration, pain, and fear the most comforting of words can be I don’t understand or I can’t imagine. Those three little words are the ones that carry the most significance.

It’s not so much that we are looking for people who have dealt with those same issues that we may be facing, but rather I think we want someone to validate. The most meaningful relationship that I have had with others are the ones in which we admit that perhaps we can’t fully understand what the other is experiencing, yet we choose to be there, validate them, and offer our input only when appropriate. There’s a vulnerability in admitting that. This is not letting us off the chain and saying that because we don't understand we don't have to listen. No, perhaps the best thing we can do is listen, affirm, and be silent.

I think our world , us, and those around us are in need of a lot more I don’t understands rather than our advice and life stories. But then again those are just my thoughts and ramblings.


This has been a great frustration of my summer, so if you’ve read all of this I am impressed. thanks for reading along

hard times in middletown

Okay, I will confess it—I am a documentary nerd. I love documentaries. They have to be a worthwhile topic, but I consider this interest a good thing, all for the betterment of my education, right? Go ahead, make fun of me; the girls of 1EO already do.

Anyways, to the point of this… I subscribe to the American RadioWorks podcast and would encourage you to do the same. They put out some interesting stuff. Recently they finished their program called “Hard Times in Middletown” that focuses on Mucie, IN (a town that is pretty close to Taylor).

Here’s the deal: if you are a Taylor student I would encourage you to listen to this. It is well worth your time and will give you some good insight into a lot of things that are occurring in the Taylor region.

So go and listen. You will be better for it.

working it out

Due to our 90 hour work week with YouthWorks every week, there’s not a lot of time to work out which can be a difficult thing for me. I really do love it when I am able to get out and run during the week; unfortunately this job has us up at 6:30 or earlier and going till midnight or often later. But I’ve created somewhat of a plan to deal with this.

Every Monday I go to our ministry site, Casa Central, to hang out with Spanish-speaking senior citizens. Not only is it a blast to be able to hang out with these people, hear all of their crazy stories, and speak Spanish, but they have an aerobics class every Monday. There’s nothing like marching in place and doing ab workouts to 80’s music re-recorded to have the same rhythm with 70 and 80 year-olds. I love it.

On top of that every Wednesday I have karate classes. I kid you not! Wednesdays I’m at a kid’s club all day where they bring in a karate instructor for three hours. It’s hilarious to watch as the instructor tries to get 5-13 year olds to all focus and do what he says. Every Wednesday afternoon I get to come home and show the boys (that being Brad and Johnny) what amazing karate skills I learned that day.
I’m going to be a karate master by the end of the summer.

Changing up the workout routine…got to love it.


stretching it out before karate class

the city

There’s an exhilarating feeling that comes with living in the city—all of the people, diversity, the accessibility of everything, the adventure, there’s always something new and it is never boring. I’ve really enjoyed living in Chicago, especially in Humboldt Park (got to love speaking in Spanish).

Yet while the exciting aspects of the city still remain, many of the harsh realities also became more vivid than ever this week. One of our staff members was sitting out on our stoop one evening as was robbed at gunpoint. He wasn’t walking around the streets, or even the sidewalks, he was just on our stoop! Needless to say, sleep was low and emotions were extremely high this week. YouthWorks was quick to respond in putting our site as a top priority crisis, but there’s not a lot that can be said or done in a situation like this.

Within a day the neighborhood and community that I had felt so comfortable in faded away. I’ve passed the crack house down the street more than ten dozen times, but suddenly it seemed real. The drunks and high folk that walk the streets stood out all the more. Every door that the participants left propped open became an opportunity for something to happen. The gang signs graffitied on the walls seemed to be everywhere. Sentiments of security had vanished all within a matter of 30 minutes.

We managed to make it through the week down a staff member and with many cups of coffee and much grace. Now I’m left with these conflicting feelings, and it is so easy to let fear creep in. I was talking with Sara, one of our staff members and my boss, and she was talking about how there’s a voice that just keeps saying throw in the towel. It’s not safe; you’ve gone through too much; just leave. It is an easy lie to believe, and one that I think the church and Christians have fallen for many times. But that can’t be an option; we can’t live dominated by fear.

So right now we’re learning what it looks like to stay. To see and be fully aware of both side of the city, yet decide to stay and have a presence.


please be praying for our staff as one of us has left, a new has joined though we're not sure for how long, and we've been hit hard throughout this whole week.

i choose the city

I got this from a friend, and thought I would share. It's by Dr. Francis DuBose, a seminary professor of urban ministry and missiologist.



I Choose the City by Francis DuBose

I choose the city…
Not simply to live in it,
to see it,
to hear it;
But to touch it;
yes, to embrace it,
to hold it,

To feel the wild glory of its
pulsating soul,

To move over its wide,
hurried broadways,

To stand stilled and sobered
at the nowhere of its dead-end streets,

To be trapped with it in its
pain and problems,

To be at once chilled by its ill
and covered with its confetti.

I choose the city because I choose God,
Because I choose humanity,
Because I choose the divine-human
struggle–

The struggle which will be won
Not in the serene path through
meadow and wood,
among the bees and birds, and flowers,

But in the city street
Made by the hand of man
Through the gift of God–
Main Street: the final battle field,
The scene of the ultimate struggle,
Where man chooses right
Because he is free to choose wrong.

Babylon, dirty and daring–
Babylon, yes–
Babylon today–

Tomorrow…
The New Jerusalem!

Francis DuBose, Mystic on Main Street, Chapel Hill, NC: Professional Press, 1993, pp. 78, 79.

the norm

This week is our third group of participants on site out of eight. Already I am feeling the drain of doing the same thing continuously for eight weeks in a row. It’s a little different too, because unlike camps, the students that come to our sites already have adult leaders with them—we’re just here to iron out the details, get them plugged in, and try to steer them in the right direction.

Tonight I felt that drain unlike any other. For the first time in a long time I had some time to think. We had an hour before club (our nightly church service type thing), and Brad and I had finished setting up the chapel. So while Brad was chillin and playing guitar, I got to think and be.

The summer has been an immense challenge and I’m not even half way through it. After the semester abroad I feel as if I’m still making cultural adjustments especially moving back into an extremely Christian environment. As I sat there wrestling with God and my own thoughts, there was a great feeling of purpose and meaninglessness. I have no idea why I’m here or why YouthWorks is here or the 70-80 participants that come every week. And it’s with those doubts that I entered into our club time.

But for some reason last night, God decided to make it clear to me that he is at work here. To make a long story short there ended up being three students crying, adult leaders saying that they had some of the best conversation in church group time following, and our neighbors who came to sit in for the evening said that was exactly what they needed to hear. Now don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying that these are signs of greatness or that making people cry is the perfect symbol of spiritual growth or challenge, but all of that served as a sign that there was something going on. That for some reason God is using what we’re doing though many times it feels pointless. That feeling is fleeting, but I’m learning that for this summer it will be something that I have to trust.

I still don’t know how or why I am here or how God is working through this thing called YouthWorks, but he is and for some reason I’m here in the middle of it. Thank you, God, that you can use people like me.